Content warning: The following article contains descriptions of child loss.
Giving birth is just the beginning, although it may seem like the culmination of months of preparation and doctor’s visits. Caring for a new human takes round-the-clock love and care and it’s easy to forget or neglect the well-being, especially the mental health, of the person who gave birth.
In observance of Maternal Mental Health Month, Honolulu pediatrician Jasmine Waipa, M.D., shares her story and why maternal mental health is so important.
Heartbreak
What was supposed to be an exciting time for Dr. Waipa, in her second trimester with her second child, suddenly turned into heartbreak. While she was working overnight in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), she went into early labor and her son was born at just 25 weeks.
“He was a good size, almost 2 pounds, and cute, strong, and feisty,” Dr. Waipa says. “They transferred him to the NICU and I was fully prepared to be the mom of a preemie. I imagined taking him home, making sure he grew healthy and strong and reached his full potential. Who better than me?”
However, at just three days old, he passed away in her husband’s arms from an infection. “We cried over him and wished for a different outcome, unable to imagine our lives without him, and unwilling to grasp the sorrow of telling our 2 1/2-year-old daughter that she’d never meet her baby brother,” Dr. Waipa says. “Soon after, they found I needed a second surgery that was further complicated by infections. My body and heart were broken.”
Recovery
While she worked on her physical recovery, it wasn’t until two months later that she was able to begin processing the pain of losing her baby. “I truly could not see a pathway out of the dark, empty despair I felt, and I certainly couldn’t imagine taking care of other people’s babies when I had lost my own,” she says. “I’m so lucky to have had my husband, my family, close friends, and even my patients rally to support me, even though they didn’t always know how to help. It was enough that they were enveloping me with so much love and care.”
She also found working with a grief counselor invaluable. “He held space for me to work through all of the sadness, pain, rage, regret, guilt, and loss I was feeling at my own pace,” she says. “Even though it’s been nearly five years, it’s still difficult to fully understand how I survived.”
Support
Through this experience, Dr. Waipa learned the importance of taking care of herself and asking for help. “It’s OK to lean on others even when you don’t really know what you need, because they love you and want to be there for you,” she says. “And give yourself credit. Remember that you’re strong and resilient, and that you’re not alone.”
Since her daughter was so young when this happened and didn’t understand the concept of heaven, Dr. Waipa and her husband told her that her brother was playing in the sky. “My daughter said, ‘I bet he’s playing on the moon,’ so every night, we look for him on the moon and say goodnight.”
Dr. Waipa and her husband and daughter. Photo courtesy Waipa family
If you or someone you know is having a difficult time before, during, or after pregnancy, reach out for help as soon as possible. Resources include your primary care provider, ob-gyn, or the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 833-TLC-MAMA or (852-6262). Or visit HMSA’s Online Care® at hmsaonlinecare.com to speak with a licensed mental health specialist from the privacy and convenience of home. Check your Guide to Benefits to see if it covers it.
Original illlustration by Garry Ono
Amwell is an independent company providing hosting and software services for HMSA’s Online Care platform on behalf of HMSA.
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