There’s something unique about a sibling bond. They’re often your first friend and one who sticks around for life. While these relationships also face conflict and challenges, siblings generally share the same upbringing, memories, and experiences.
But what happens when brothers and sisters are split up?
When keiki are placed in foster care, the Hawaii Department of Human Services tries to keep them together, but they may live with different caregivers and families. The loss of that connection can be traumatic during an already difficult time, and kids may experience grief, anger, and anxiety. They also miss out on core memories with siblings that typically form during childhood.
Project Visitation is working to remedy that by providing opportunities for separated siblings to spend time together. And it’s all done with the help of volunteers.
Siblings on an outing with their volunteer.
Keeping keiki together
Most children in the foster care system have experienced loss, adversity, and trauma. The instability of being placed in a foster home can contribute to depression, anxiety, and aggressive behavior. And when they’re separated from their siblings, keiki may feel worried and confused, as well as a loss of identity.
Pairing siblings in the same home can improve their sense of safety, support, and well-being. They can help each other adjust to their new lives.
In 2022, about 2,300 kids were in foster care in Hawaii; 92% were placed with their siblings. For the remaining 8%, their social worker or guardian ad litem could refer them to Family Programs Hawaii, which provides services to keiki and families involved in the child welfare system.
Under the nonprofit’s program, Project Visitation, volunteers get matched with sibling groups and take them on outings once a month. There are also quarterly events where everyone in the program gets together for activities like ice skating or bowling. Once a year, the organization hosts a summer camp.
Siblings playing with Legos at Camp Connections.
“Camp Connections is a great time for siblings to come together,” says Stephanie Rakoczy, program coordinator of Project Visitation. “We had beach time, made picture frames, and built Legos. Spending quality time with their family was special because it ensures they have that connection.”
Fostering the sibling relationship
The memories the siblings make together now build their relationship and, in turn, help shape their future. Chiyomi Chow, director of programs at Family Programs Hawaii, remembers one sibling group in which the oldest sister aged out of care and became her siblings’ caregiver.
“They shared that if it weren’t for Project Visitation, they wouldn’t have been able to see each other,” says Chow. “But they were able to feel the closeness of being a family unit, and to this day, they’re doing well together.”
While the connection between brothers and sisters grows, so does their relationship with the volunteers, who take the kids out month after month for years. They often all stay in touch even after the youth exit foster care.
“They go to their graduations, they become their mentors,” says Chow. “They truly become part of their family.”
Making memories last
Being a volunteer means having the privilege of seeing these siblings play, create memories, and grow up together, even if it is just once a month.
“Sometimes these kids almost knock each other down because they’re hugging so hard,” says Chow. “They’re so happy to see each other because this might be the only time they get all month.”
Spending some quality time together swimming.
Large sibling groups get assigned more than one volunteer to facilitate the outings and coordinate with each other to pick the kids up from different parts of the island. They’ll find a meeting place in the middle for a day of fun and bonding. There will also be plenty of smiles for photos.
“Unfortunately, the children we work with have a lot of bad memories. They’ve been abused and neglected,” says Chow. “But we’re recreating their childhood so that they have these pictures and they can look back and remember what they did together.”
Photos courtesy Chiyomi Chow/Family Programs Hawaii
Positive family relationships
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