I’ve always had anxiety, but I didn’t realize it until adulthood. I thought it was normal to get a stomachache before every math class and imagine the worst scenarios on repeat. But when I started getting panic attacks in my 20s, I knew it was time to seek help.
My 7th birthday party: I remember panicking because I couldn't figure out how to make the craft.
Still, the idea of therapy was intimidating. Was I ready to be vulnerable and trust a stranger? When I finally decided the answer was ‘yes,’ I was faced with the overwhelming process of researching therapists and finding one I connected with. I didn’t know where to start and almost gave up several times.
But I can now confidently tell you it was all worth it. After some trial and error with therapists who weren’t a good fit for me, I found one I love, respect, and feel safe with. She’s helped me better manage my stress and anxiety, cope with uncomfortable emotions, and calm my mind. So, if you’re ready to begin your mental health journey, here’s a step-by-step guide to help you get started.
Figure out what you need help with
I knew I wanted to find someone who had experience treating anxiety. But there are so many reasons to go to therapy, whether you’re dealing with a challenging life event or feeling depressed or other distressing emotions. Having a specific goal can help you narrow down the kind of therapist you want to see based on their specialties and modalities they practice.
“For trauma, for example, you may look for someone who specializes in trauma-informed care or specific approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or somatic therapy,” says Andrea Plasko, a licensed therapist and social worker based in Honolulu. “Clear goals allow you and your therapist to focus the work, measure progress, and tailor the therapeutic process to meet your unique needs.”
Insurance and cost
Another factor to consider is cost. Therapy can be expensive, with the average price of a 50-minute session between $100 and $200. Most HMSA health plans cover therapy, but you may have to meet your deductible before paying a copay. Be sure to check your Guide to Benefits for information about your plan.
Some therapists offer a sliding fee scale; just inquire when you reach out. Local organizations also provide free or low-cost therapy, including HawaiiUTelehealth, Kalihi-Palama Health Center, and Waimanalo Health Center, helping make therapy accessible and affordable.
Where to find a therapist
HMSA’s website is a great resource for identifying which therapists are accepting new patients and whether they accept your health plan. Click “Find a Doctor” in the top right corner, type “therapist” in the search bar, and select your insurance plan. Results show the therapist’s name, address, and how to contact them. You can also narrow down the list by specialty, gender, language, and more.
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Top: "Find a Doctor" highlighted on hmsa.com. Bottom: Search for therapists, and narrow results.
I’ve also had success using Psychology Today, where therapists often include their photos and biographies. I liked reading through them to get a sense of who they are and how they practice.
If you’re comfortable, ask your friends, family, or primary care provider for suggestions. Since the pandemic, mental health has become less taboo. The number of adults who sought counseling in the U.S. rose from 19% in 2019 to 21% in 2021. So, chances are you know someone who’s seeing a therapist they love working with and can recommend.
Location, location, location
Leaving work and driving to your therapist’s office may not be feasible, so you may want to find a therapist closer to your workplace. You could also see a therapist who offers telehealth sessions, which allows you more flexibility with your schedule and cuts out the need to drive, expanding accessibility to those who live in a rural area. HMSA’s Online Care® offers virtual visits, and appointments are often available on evenings and weekends.
Homepage of HMSA’s Online Care®
Getting in contact
Once you’ve found a few different therapists who are accepting new clients, understand your mental health needs, and are conveniently located, it’s time to reach out to them either by email or phone.
I emailed a few therapists with some basic information: my name, what I was struggling with, my phone number, and my health plan. Just keep in mind that since the demand for therapists is so high, it can take some time for them to respond, and you may be placed on a wait list.
The right fit
This might sound silly, but when I was looking for a therapist, it felt like dating. That’s because you might need to see a couple before finding one you connect with, and it might take a few sessions to figure it out. Having a strong therapeutic alliance, or connection between therapist and client, is foundational to effective therapy. So, when you’re first establishing contact, ask the therapist if they offer a brief consultation phone call.
Asking questions can help determine whether the therapist is a good fit for you.
“You can ask what their experience is working with clients dealing with a specific issue, what therapeutic approaches they use, and how they might help you,” says Plasko. “It helps clarify what to expect from the process, ensuring you’re both aligned on goals and methods.”
Asking questions can also help gauge whether the therapist is a good fit for your personality, values, and therapeutic goals.
“Finding the right fit often involves a mix of professional expertise and personal compatibility,” says Plasko. She suggests looking for someone who:
- Makes you feel safe and heard without judgement.
- Clearly communicates their approach and expectations.
- Respects and validates your experiences.
- Balances professionalism with warmth and empathy.
- Shares your values and respects your cultural and personal perspectives.
“Trust your instincts,” she adds. “If something feels ‘off’ after a few sessions, or if you just don’t feel comfortable or like you ‘click’ with the therapist, it’s OK to seek someone else who better matches your needs.”
The first therapist I saw was so aggressive with her questioning, and she expected me to trust her in the first session. I was too scared to share what I was going through, and I never went back.
But the bond I have with my therapist now has made a world of difference. We have a good rapport, and I feel comfortable and safe opening up to her. But it takes time to develop that trust and be honest with your therapist. Once you get there, the work you do together can be life-changing.
“When you feel understood and supported, you’re more likely to open up, explore vulnerabilities, and engage fully in the process,” says Plasko. “Therapy isn’t easy; it’s a collaborative process that requires time, patience, and commitment. A good connection can make the difference between therapy feeling like a chore versus a transformative journey that helps you grow and reach your full potential.”
The ocean has also been incredibly healing in my mental health journey.
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